Waiting For Sex

As a pastor, every now and then I get someone asking me in all seriousness why they should wait before having sex. These aren't people looking for scripture that condemns premarital sex as much as they are looking for a good reason why other than "Because the Bible says so."

For me the clue is found in the bond that we see in Genesis 2:24. This verse talks about a man leaving his father and mother and becoming one with his wife. I think this describes what happens with sex and I think it is good advice for Christians and non-Christians alike.

We bond to some degree with every person we encounter. Most of those bonds are extremely shallow like the nod of acknowledgment to the guy in the next checkout lane with the same University of Michigan hat you have. As you part ways with that individual that bond is broken but it is so shallow it doesn't hurt. We make and break these bonds all the time.

The more intimate we know a person the stronger the bond becomes. Eventually we move on from head nods and talking about the weather to sharing things that leave us more vulnerable. If this bond is broken there is more pain because it was a stronger bond and it will take longer to heal and may even leave a scar. These bonds happen less frequently and yet they still cause us a lot of heart ache.

Some people are lucky enough to find a soul mate. This is a person that we are willing to become the most vulnerable with. We share our deepest darkest secrets as well as our wildest dreams. We even become so close that we attempt an act that is pleasurable and yet leaves us horrifyingly vulnerable. An incredibly strong bond is formed.

But here is the word of caution. Breaking such a strong bond causes extreme injury. That injury will take a long time to heal and the permanent scars it leaves will affect you the rest of your life. Don't allow yourself to be bonded like that unless you are both ready to commit to the relationship permanently. Get married.

Unfortunately too many people believe that you can have casual sex. There is nothing casual about sex. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it is just an act you are creating a strong bond. A bond that will do damage if it is broken.

Bonds with other humans are a mysterious and part of being a human. They are at the same time wonderful and terrifying. We all know people who are so guarded about the bonds they form they won't let anyone get close to them. That's a shame but it is also a testament to the damage broken bonds can do. All the more reason to be very careful about one of the strongest bonds a human can make.