Expression

Expressing emotion or feelings, at least the very deep ones, is not easy for me at all. It creates all sorts of issues with my wife but somehow we manage. But there is a relationship I have that I feel deeply about that haunts me because of how difficult it is for me to express it. And yes, it needs expressing.

I am head-over-heels in love with Jesus. I know that is easy to say but I'm serious. It is hard for me to think of a decision I make where he isn't a factor in some way. It is what I live for. And yet I don't think very many people would guess that about me.

Now I know there is a difference in that I do believe HE knows how much I love him whereas I need to express that to my wife. But I think that in this case it is important that everyone else knows it too. But I don't think they do. I'm not even sure if my kids know it to that degree.

If you asked most people who know me, "Does Tom loves Jesus?," most would say yes. I hope. But they would say that about anybody that they know who claims to be a Christian. But somehow that doesn't capture the depth of what I feel for Jesus. It is so much more than just a statement and it bothers me, to the point that it keeps me up at night, that I don't feel I express that very well.

I know it is supposed to be irresistible, contagious even, they say. But is that really true for all people? Or is personality type just an excuse? Am I failing to truly make my love for Jesus inherent in everything I do? All I know is I'm tired.