Henri Nouwen wrote "Your own growth cannot take place without growth in others. You are part of a body. When you change the whole body changes. It is very important for you to remain deeply connected with the larger community to which you belong."

I sense that Nouwen could have been talking about several different communities to which one belongs but when I think of it in terms of church and denomination I struggle with it. I want to take the journey myself. At least I think I do.

The next thing he writes is "It is also important that those who belong to the body of which you are apart keep faith in your journey."

And here lies my problem. I'm afraid that I will be misunderstood if I share my journey. How do you get people to understand without them becoming judgmental. Of course there is also the fear that my journey will lead to decay instead of growth and in that case perhaps I fear being responsible for decaying the whole body.

Kim and I where contemplating replacing my Volvo. After all it is now 16 years old and has over 180,000 miles on her. After looking around a bit, and falling in love with a car to buy, we decided to wait and save the money instead.

Now here is the problem. My car knows all about this as I have talked about it with my son while driving her. The thought struck me that she may respond negatively to my infidelity. I half expect that she will arrange a breakdown at the most inopportune time just to get even.

Unfortunately it is all to easy to burn bridges like that with people. I think I need to concentrate more on being gentle with people no matter how "useless" they may appear to be to me. The way God works I'll probably find that I'll need them in the future far more than I could ever imagine.

Perhaps one of the things kids never really appreciate about their parents are the pets they were allowed to keep. I thought nothing of the dogs, baboons, antelope, chameleon, monkeys, rabbits, gerbils and probably a few other critters I brought home over the years growing up. I now realize why my dad always seemed to have a pained look on his face when I brought home something new.

We currently are providing food and shelter for a dog, parakeet and fish. I must confess that the fish are mine. (One of these days I'm going to have fish that live longer than 6 months.) We've done a pretty good job of weeding out passing urges when the kids suggest they've just got to have a ________. My daughter wants a cat but we have convinced her that they she needs to be older before she is ready for that responsibility. But we are now facing the onslaught of a 9 year old who wants a hamster. I am living in fear because he is determined. I'm afraid we are weakening.

In recent days he has begun to show an understanding of warfare tactics that would have left Genghis Khan impressed. His teacher needed to have someone take care of the class' pet rat over Spring break and he saw his opportunity. He has mounted a diversionary attack on our flank by suggesting that he should be the one to take the rat. In my estimation he is attempting to lure us into complacency. He'll bring home the rat, take great care of it, show us how responsible he is and allow us to reach a level of comfort living with a rodent, if that's possible. Then, when our defenses are down he will return to a full assault with his request for a hamster. After living for a week with a rat how could we resist a cute little hamster. Simply ingenious!!

Having seen through his scheme I countered with the "over my dead body" defense. Shrewd as he is he countered by going to his mother. It wasn't long before I started hearing comments from her like "it's only a week" and "he'll learn how hard it is to take care of a rodent and forget about the hamster."

When I first heard these remarks I drew back in shock that he had penetrated so far in this flank attack. Getting his mother on his side was a major coup. However, I remembered the cockatiel that another son brought home for Christmas break one year. I had had just about enough of the beast scattering its food all over the floor and was glad that it would be returning to the classroom. That's when the big snow storm hit that closed school for another two weeks and left us with the bird.

But alas, I have given in. Today we are also providing shelter for a rat. I know it looks like I caved but I am actually deploying a counter attack. I'm luring him in. He thinks I'm weakening. He has lowered the level of forcefulness with which he has been pursuing his hamster. When I finally tell him no my victory will be decisive and he will learn that he is no match for dear old dad. At least that's what I've been telling myself.

I talk about passion a lot because I think it so important to how we live. I talk about a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ so much in my church that sometimes people joke about it which I don't mind.

I think passion is such a strong motivator. But passion does ebb and flow. Sometimes passion pushes me to speak out vigorously on things that ...well.. that I'm passionate about. But then there are times when I withdraw from the debate. Even though I am still passionate about the cause I just feel like being quiet.

I'm not sure exactly why. Perhaps it is a "lick the wounds" type of thing where I need to withdraw from the fight to a place of safety for healing. Or maybe it is a fatalistic response that concedes that I can never win the fight and so I attempt isolation instead. Or maybe it is a sense of hopelessness that senses that I will never be able to convince people to change and so I simply quit trying. Or, to be fair, maybe I realize that what I was fighting for was wrong and I need to put my tail between my legs and run for home.

I still like passion though! It's what makes me human rather than a machine.

"You have to use things like replication or evolution or self-assembly or self-repair," said Warren Packard, a Silicon Valley venture capitalist who has invested in the field. "We need to figure out how to grow systems versus build systems."

This guy is talking about the field of nanotechnology but the thought struck me that there may be a correlation to the church. Several people have long proclaimed the need to be organic rather than mechanical when it comes to the church but how we actually do that is the hard part. In a lot of ways we face the same problems as nanotechnology. We focus on building rather than growing.

Our Family watched "The African Queen" yesterday. The response from the kids was very interesting. When Hepburn and Bogart kissed for the first time they were completely cluless as to why it was a big deal. They can't comprehend that there was a time when such behavior was considered outrageous for a couple who hadn't known each other for very long, was not planning on marrying, and considered ankle length dresses casualware.

It was also interesting to see how closely they followed the story. They were riveted to the story and asked questions the whole way through. It kind of made me feel good that they saw quality in a old movie with few special effects and that I like. I like to think that they are recognizing the quality of the actors and the screen play. But who knows for sure.